K:K

I believe the stories I’ve been told about the end of your life flashing before your eyes. Because when I’ve walked away from every man I’ve loved…the day I’ve known it was over our history plays over in my mind in flashes, in waves, incessantly, unexpectedly. Until I want to surrender and scream, “Take me away.”

“How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye’s of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only. The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection. There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer. He doesn’t recognize that the create of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize. He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.” 

~Jada Pinkett Smith

I would wash over him, make him wet & infuse him with vitality.  He thought he wanted me to be more like him, until he moved to be next to another rock. Now he thirsts for me to wash over him.  

A good relationship ushers an intense sense of presence within me. Someone I don’t mind sitting in silence with until there are authentic words to speak. There’s no need to fill space with talk or activity - That person becomes my mirror, my calibrator, a safe haven, and yes, even the trigger for anger and intense negative emotions. All of this is an invitation to have a deeper understanding for what is going on within me. Because I can hardly think of a less productive activity than to blame someone else for how I feel. ~Karma

In the space between disillusion and wholeness I found us. Having lost all, including ourselves and each other, we were free to love purely. Fear existed only as a memory.  More than content we were resting in absoluteness. And if all were to change tomorrow, so be it. We had lived in the past, avoided the present and seen the future. We had each other. And that was enough to rock the world, even & especially beyond ourselves. 

(photo: allison redner)

We’ve shared our bodies and moments of space with gratuitous fervor. We agree we’ve been connected in lifetimes before.  And still, my hair has grown more than us, this past year.  

Knowing the cold reality of betrayal intimately and having no reason to trust in anything, he hides the parts of the man I love; the truly vulnerable one as well as the one who don’t give a fuck.   Somewhere learning that a man with a purpose should not allow love, dedication, or desire, to slow his ascension.  

One day, while he’s looking out for number one, he’ll turn around to find only himself in the place that love once stood.